You hear the phrases "his head's gone" or "he's mentally scrambled" a lot in sport and when it comes to Liverpool and specifically Brendan Rodgers... my head's gone. I don't know what to think.
In truth I've probably been suffering an inner turmoil when it comes to the manager since we started last season so poorly and somehow ended up having to play Rickie Lambert or Balotelli upfront on their own.
Since then I've had a near daily mental struggle with myself over whether I have faith in Rodgers... whether I genuinely think we are going to improve... whether or not the players we've bought are actually any good. It's tiring. I wish I could just relax and enjoy it.
But let's face it, so far this season it's not been enjoyable. Supporting Liverpool seems to have become engulfed in tension, negativity and worry. A constant, painful yearning to be successful again, a bitter jealousy at seeing the likes of Man City gracing the biggest stages in Europe and an ongoing sadness about not being able to compete with Chelsea. A horrible fear that Man Utd will pull away from us again.
The start to this season was unspectacular but there was some hope. We were grinding out results... "players would take time to gel" was a sensible observation. Only two defeats later and that hope appears to have completely evaporated. Is that just the idiotically knee jerk nature of modern football? Should we be patient? In a few games time when we've won 5 on the bounce it'll all be smiles again? Or are the underlying concerns about Rodgers and our future founded?
It's not just morons on twitter who want Rodgers gone... genuinely passionate and intelligent supporters are starting to lose faith. I still don't know if I'm one of them. I'm worried I might be.
I think my desire to back Rodgers, be patient and give things time to develop comes more from my nature as a fan. I love Liverpool FC and I've always found it difficult to criticise any manager or player who is doing their best for the club (apart from Hodgson obviously.) I never wanted Houllier gone, I certainly didn't want Rafa out and I think I genuinely want Rodgers to succeed, but only because I want Liverpool to succeed... not because I have any particular loyalty to Rodgers.
If you offered me Klopp tomorrow I'd probably bite your hand off and I suppose that says it all.
There is no guarantee Klopp would do any better, but it's hard to resist his allure, he feels like he'd fit.
Rodgers is starting to feel like an unwelcome guest at an already crap party.
But I'm the sort of guy who still talks to them, out of pity. I don't want to have to pity the manager of Liverpool FC.
While Rodgers is manager I will get behind him and more importantly the team. But oh please, please for the love of God let's win a few games and score a few goals. Then everything will feel better.
I can't take much more of this.
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